Almost Rosey

Just a minute of your time
Yes, I've been known to delude myself
So let me put those rose colored glasses to the test
Now is this real enough for you
Cause blondes here don't jump out of cakes
If that never impressed you much
Come board this lunatic express
Just why do they say
Have a nice day anyway
We both know they wouldn't mind
If I just curled up and died
Let's not give that one a try
Chin up put on a pair of these roseys
Raise those blinds
Chin up a happy mask was never
Your best disguise
Chin up put on a pair of these roseys
In no time you will feel almost fine
Almost Rosey
Now some girls her will huddle with
No not footballers that are rich
But will confide in small white sticks
He bats as the Virginian Slim
Then I tried once to comply
With an authority that would
Subsidize my wild side
But at the altar was sacrificed
Yes you can laugh at Femm Fatale
In a brides dress now married to
The effortlessness of the cracks
That lie now in between the facts
Now about when Violet died
The cause still unidentified
She thought her love would be enough
But you can't seduce seduction
Her tentacles of endless want
Reach through my corridors
And tempt me to taste of her power
I sober with the witching hour
And when I hear of one more bomb
Yes we have all been robbed of song
And nightingales whot throw their arms up
When is enough enough?

"Almost Rosey" - Tori Amos American Doll Posse

Someone very close to me tried to commit suicide recently. She had called me a week before to tell me how depressed she was and how she no longer wanted to live. I didn't take her seriously and was annoyed that she wanted to take up my time by talking on the phone - I had more important things to do. My answer to her depression "Suck it up. Stop being such a wimp and allowing this to defeat you. It will get better"

I had just listened to this song right before the call about the attempted suicide. As I began to think about the lyrics I began to realize how often I tell people to just put on the proverbial "rose colored glasses" and just get through it. There are some things though that cannot be handled with just the simple phrase "It'll all get better."

This song can be interpreted many ways - that is the beauty of music and poetry - it means something different to each person who reads it. I see this song as representation of someone who is in a physical abuse situation and the people around this person put on their rose colored glasses and never look at the underlying issue, until finally the person is dead.

I had done this very thing with the person close to me. I had put on my rose colored glasses and said "Everything is going to be fine, and it will all work out." Death would not have been working it all out.

How many times do I do this with people who aren't even close to me, saying things like "Just pray and it will all be better" or, "God will provide" or even just "Have a nice day." I walk around blind to the fact that there are actually people out there who are hurting and suffering. I keep the good news of Jesus to myself, how selfish is that?

You Give Christians a Bad Name

Yesterday I read this article in Rolling Stone Magazine called "Jesus Made Me Puke" by Matt Tailbi http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/20278737/jesus_made_me_puke. The author writes about his experience on a Christian retreat with a well known mega church in, TX. His whole premise is to pretend he is a Christian so he can expose the Christian right. Millions of people are inevitibly going to read this article and come to the conclusion that this experience is what Christianity is all about and by the same token that anyone who calls themselves a Christian is like this. I encourage you to read the article for yourself.

When I first started reading the article, I thought it was going to be about how he can't stand the idea of Christianity. I was angry with the author for even suggesting such a title and such a prank as the one he was pulling. By the end of the article I was no longer upset with the author but with the Christians he was writing about.

One of the major things the caught my attention was the discussion of the session where demons were being cast out. Basically the whole congregation was encouraged to open their mouths and the pastor for two hours cast out demons. He cast out the demon of lust, idolotry, incest, etc. The author said one of the demons was "handwriting analysis". Okay, what? I mean maybe the author made that one up. The thing is that these people were buying into this casting out of demons experience.

I know this is going to get into a lot of doctrinal stuff and we may be divided where we stand on this issue. But, here is my argument. It is not possible for Christians to be filled with demons. We are filled with His Holy Spirit if we are truly saved. Another thing, God gave us Free Will. Adam and Eve made the choice to buy into the devils lies and disobey God. We decide to choose to entertain lustful thoughts and act them out thus resulting in sin. Satan and Demons cannot force us to do anything against our will, just as God cannot force us to do anything against our will. We can be tempted, but we still have the ultimate decision about deciding to give into the tempations.

What this article means to me is that an alarming number of Christians are not reading and studying their bibles. We are told in 2 Timothy 2:15 (NKJV) "Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth." Rightly dividing the word of truth - this is so crucial to our personal walk with God as well as to the body of Christ as a whole. You give Christians a bad name when you fail to heed this scripture.

It is no wonder the leftists think that Christians are all a bunch of lunatics. I am not talking about the scripture in Corinthians that talks about being wise by the world's standardes and becoming a fool to be truly wise. I'm talking about walking the narrow way and not being decieved by wolves in sheeps clothing.

Is it just me or has anybody else noticed that there are more and more articles being written about Christians these days? I don't know, maybe I'm just reading too many liberal magazines. The thing is that these liberal magazines are reaching out to their target audience and then some. They are voicing their opinions and taking action, while too many of us Christians have become complacent and inactive.

It is important (and I'm speaking to myself included) to truly study the issues that are out there and pray about them, so that our decisions line up with God's decisions. Don't just buy into things at face value - Jesus gave us a huge warning that we would be decieved by the wolves in sheeps clothing. I'm afraid I've allowed myself to be fooled for too long. I'm realizing more and more that the things Jesus warned us about are not the obvious things that I automatically think of. But isn't that the way Satan always operates - deception?

In the Springtime of His Voodoo

In Mark 11:22 Jesus says "Have faith in God. I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, 'May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,' and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart. I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe in your heart that you recieved it, it will be yours. But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too."

Forgiveness has been one of those things that I didn't think I struggled with, mostly because my way of dealing with things is to just not deal with them at all.

When I was in High School my stepfather and I did not get along very well. In fact most of my journal entries from back then included the words "I hate my stepdad - he is ruining my life." When I moved out after graduation our relationship was mostly based on just being polite to each other. Since he and my mom divorced in 2000 I have only talked to him on a very small number of occassions and only because I was forced to.

I've been doing this study on the Torah (http://torahclass.com/download.html) and one of the things the teacher spoke about is the promises of God. God has made promises and immediately the enemy comes like a vulture and tries to carry them away. One of the easiest ways to be carried away is through deception. I have been decieved into the springtime of his voodoo. I have allowed myself to think that life is much more rosey not dealing with this unforgiveness. I have buried this unforgiveness so deep in my heart I did not even remember it existed. Pastor Scott read this scripture as pat of his message this morning.

In Matthew 5:23 Jesus says " Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave the gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled with your brother, then come and offer your gift."

What is ironic in a way is that I had read my journal from high school this past week as part of a paper I am writing for class. As I began to think about this scripture more I could clearly see the journal entries I had written so many years ago and my unforgiveness was exposed. It had finally come to light and now it is up to me to deal with it.

I can continue to dodge the issue and never reconcile the relationship with my stepdad, but now I know the consequences and I believe they are too high. One of the consequences is that my relationship with God will suffer. God will not be able to heal that area of my life and Jesus paid a high price for that healing - the stripes upon His back.

The other consequence that will suffer; not having established a good relationship with my stepdad he may never come to know Christ. I may be the only Christian my stepdad will ever know - I may be the only person who is ever able to show Christ's love to him. This price is too high - his very salvation could be at stake!

Part of me wants to hold onto this unforgiveness - it is part of my identity. It gives me the excuse to play the victim and wimp out when things get to be tough.

My next course of action is not to simply just say in my heart that I have forgiven my stepdad. My next step of action is to actually pick up the phone and call him and I need to do it soon, with each passing day he is slipping closer and closer to spending eternity in Hell. I will have failed to run my race fully in preaching Jesus shall I choose to not obey.

Spirit of Excellence (Part 2)

Spirit of Excellence (Part 2) - Music

One of the greatest examples I can think of in regard to having a Spirit of Excellence is in the area of music - I briefly discussed this in my previous post but would like to delve into this a bit further.

I really, really, really have a heart to reach musicians. They are able to weave these great tapestry's of art through the medium of music. God is the ULTIMATE Artist - just take a look at His Word - if the Bible is not the greatest example of Artistry ever created I don't know what is. The Bible is full of poetry, prose and stories all weaved together with a single common thread - no human being could have ever pulled off this beautiful work of art.

All that to say I know who I serve - the God of All Creation and I'm not at all bothered by listening to secular music (however, I do know that I really have to guard my heart). I am able to appreciate the music for what it is, a piece of art. I also know that most musicians (when I say musicians I mean people who actually write their own music - not pop tarts like Britney Spears) are seeking all of the same things that we as Christians are seeking they just have not found Him yet. They have not been able to fill that God Shaped Hole (sings) "There's a God Shaped Hole in All of us" Anyone, Anyone - okay, never mind.

Secular music would never turn out crap - so why we do we do it as Christians? Why don't we learn everything we can from secular artists who produce really good music and use that knowledge to make really awesome Christian music. Music that both secular artists and Christians will appreciate. Why don't we study with the best whether they are Christian or not so that we can be the best?

God gave each of us talents - talents that we are responsible for cultivating so that we may use them for His glory, remember the parable of the man with five talents and the man with 1 talent?

I attend secular concerts because I want to learn everything I can about what the world's standards of quality are. I've learned so much from attending these concerts. I'm always watching, always listening trying to pick up any tips I can. I want to develop my craft and help create a Spirit of Excellence in everything I do so that believers and non believers will see Christ glorified.

Whatever talents God has given you it is your responsibility to hone and fine tune them through education and experience.

Spirit of Excellence (Part 1)

Spirit of Excellence (Part 1)

Why is it that we as the body of Christ have come to accept sub standard forms of quality and call it good? I'm afraid with this blog post I may be walking on egg shells and it could very well be that I have a spirit of pride that must be broken - please feel free to admonish me if this is the case. But I'm very passionate about this and keep examining my heart to be sure that I'm not just whining and complaining.

I am a 1999 graduate of Rhema Bible Training Center in Tulsa, OK. They offer a two year program in biblical studies. While attending I heard over and over again that we as Rhema graduates must have a Spirit of Excellence about us.

If we are representing Jesus to believers and non believers shouldn't we want to a have a Spirit of Excellence and desire to show the world the very best we have to offer through the talents and gifts that God has given us. We should especially want to offer the very best to non believers so that we may possibly persuade them to Christ. Most non believers have already formulated in their mind a stereotype when you say you're a Christian - most automatically think Ned Flanders and a sub standard version of everything.

I read this really interesting article today. A non believer had interviewed some Christian Comedians. It was actually a very enlightening article. One of the comedians the author interviewed mentioned that Chrisitianity has it's own version of Pop Culture which is so very true - tshirts, books, BRACELETS (remember WWJD), candy (Testa MINTS) - need i say more? Because it's the Christian version we buy it even though these businesses are using all of the same marketing ploys that secular businesses like Mattell and Disney are using. I mean honestly are you going to be more of a Christian and more spiritual because you eat Testa MINTS as opposed to eating Mentos. For every thing secular there is a Christian version. I'm not preaching against supporting businesses owned by believers. What I am saying is that perhaps because somebody brands something as Christian we should not automatically rush out and buy it. We seem to have personified things that cannot according to natural law have any spiritual qualities.

When I was in high school Christian bands were a dime a dozen - there were Christian punk bands, rap, rock, country, etc - however most of them were not any good. All of their songs sounded the same, there was no texture to their music and the lyrics were crap. However, I bought their albums because they were Christian and they were okay to listen to and somehow I felt really cool because I had a Christian version of what the world deemed as cool. Most of these bands ONLY labeled themselves as Christian because Christians are more forgiving and would give them a chance by listening to their music and giving them a venue to play in - even though it was complete crap.

Now, there is a lot of great, great Christian music out there - I absolutely love anything by Hillsongs or Passion - I feel both groups have a very high spirit of excellence about them - especially Hillsongs - you can hear this quality in the mix of all of their live albums. But, there are a lot of great secular albums that are mixed really well too. There are a lot of Awesome Christian songs and artists like Steven Curtis Chapman, Chris Tomlin, Rich Mullins, The Winans - but there are also a lot of great secular artists as well.

The body of Christ seems to have this attitude of "good enough" instead of asking ourselves how can we make this excellent? How can we make the mix of this song excellent so that even secular artists will listen and appreciate it for it's mastery? I mean, we serve the MASTER of all creation - God has made everything excellent. Let's show the world how EXCELLENT our God is - let's no longer settle for good enough.

Built My Own Pretty Little Hate Machine

We are doing this series at church called 30 days to live. Today pastor discussed saying the things that God wants us to say, never letting a nice thing to go unsaid. I blew my opportunity to heed this advice before I had even walked out of the church doors.

I had noticed during worship that this guy Alex was totally rocking his guitar. Normally our worship Pastor Bob always plays lead guitar but today Alex had the lead and I wouldn't have noticed it except that it sounded so unique and so good. I had an opportunity to compliment Alex after the service and I didn't do it even though I felt I really needed to do it. I let myself get caught up in my own self conciousness "oh no, he'll think I'm hitting on him, that my compliment isn't really sincere, blah, blah." What would've been the big deal? It's because he is a boy, and he's cute and he works out - that's where I got trapped.

Galations 6:10 (NLT) - "Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone - especially to those in the family of faith."

It seems easier to criticize and judge as opposed to compliment and actually encourage people. We tell ourselves it's because we don't want people to get a big head or become prideful, but perhaps it's really because we are suffering from jealousy and envy.

Why do we fall prey to these little hang ups? We build our own pretty little hate machines when we choose to tear down rather than build up. Aren't we all seeking the same things in life? Things that can only be fulfilled by seeking God first - everyone needs compassion!

Constant Reminders and the Word of God

Matthew 6:33 (NLT) "Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, live righteously, and he will give you everything you need."

I'm beginning to realize how important it is for me to spend time with God every day in His word and praying. I really need help with my negative thoughts and attitude on a daily basis! I guess this is where self discipline comes in, and learning to walk the narrow path - it is so easy to go from one extreme to the other.

I didn't grow up with any discipline at all in my family - my mom just let us do whatever we wanted - literally! We could go to parties, do drugs - whatever felt good... she was a child of the 60's after all. Self discipline is one of my biggest weaknesses but I'm working to recover from it. The best part is that I don't have to do it in my own strength - Lord knows I've tried!!!!! But in God's strength I am able to turn this weakness into strength.

As I was meditating on God's word today, I wondered why it is that sometimes I'm afraid to speak up and proclaim God's word. God has said that His word will not return void so why am I afraid to exercise my faith in this area?

So back to walking the narrow path - again, this is why I need God's word in my life on a daily basis. I need a constant daily reminder so that I can stay balanced and walk the narrow path. It is only going to be with the help of the Holy Spirit leading me and guiding me that I'm going to be able to accomplish this almost impossible feat.

Dried Up Prune

Matthew 5:29 (NLT) "To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But, from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away."

What a tremendous amount of pressure there is in that one verse of scripture. God has given each of us talents and gifts, whether it be singing, acting, the ability to pay attention to detail, a charasmatic personality, the ability to teach, always having a kind word to say to someone. God created each one of us uniquely. He created us for His purpose. He entrusted to each of us gifts and talents for the purpose of furthering His kingdom. It is our responsibility to use each of these gifts and talents wisely regardless of how small or great they seem.

People (me especially) often fall into the trap of jealousy where talent is concerned (I am recovering from the sin of jealousy). There have been so many times when I coveted what other people had to offer - I had become very self focused, taken my eyes of the cross and focused on myself. I chose to focus on the very small detail (me) of God's whole big picture, purpose and plan.

And so with that jealousy came the desire to horde what I had been given - to bury my gifts and talents, for, if I could not have what they had then certainly nobody was going to have what I have. I became very bitter, selfish and very self focused A DRIED UP PRUNE. I complained, griped and whined a lot and I did NOTHING, NOTHING, NOTHING with my talents and my gifts. I was (I'm recovering, remember) the servant who had the one talent and buried it in the dirt - Matthew 25:24.

What was the talent that I buried? My gift of friendship. In fact I used a quote at one time, very recently in fact, "My friend quota has been met." OUCH! I became very withdrawn and had very, very few close personal friends and that was about it. I did not want to make any new friends, I only wanted the friends I had.

Now that I'm a recovering Christian God is showing me so many things, small things like this, but which are really big significant things in reality. I used to stress so much about His purpose for my life when I already know His purpose - FURTHER HIS KINGDOM! Be friends with people, how else am I going to win them to Christ?????? I can pray all day for someone to get saved - but it is going to take somebody to tell that person about Jesus and maybe even actually pray with them.

God is calling US - His people to do His work! We are His body, He works in us and THROUGH us to accompolish His Purpose - that is why we have been given talents and gifts. They were not given to us so that we could use them for our own selfish desires.

God also gave us free will. He is not going to force us to use our talents and our gifts for Him - He gave us the freedom to choose how we will use them.

Recovering Christian

I am a recovering Christian. Not in the way that Tori Amos says that she is a recovering Christian, but in the way that I am recovering from having a love affair with world and am now having a love affair with God.

Just a little bit of background - I've been saved since I was 17, graduated from Rhema Bible Training Center (a seminary), work for a Christian Theater and help on the sound engineering team at church - all this does not a Christian make!

So I had this obsession with Tori Amos (had, I'm recovering from idolotry). The woman is truly brilliant and can easily be lifted to Goddess status - in fact there are many people have exalted her in their lives. Her music is very beautiful, filled with emotion and often very dark - an easy place to hide your pain. I found solace in her music and could literally be carried away to another place and time. It was her music I turned to when I was hurt, angry, sad, bitter it was her music I turned to to fill the emptiness inside, when all the while God wanted me to turn to Him.

Yes, I prayed, but not very often. I worshipped, but only on Sundays and I never opened my Bible.

They began this series at church called Love Affair. Each week was a different topic, and mostly the series focused on family. But one Sunday, the Sunday I was responsible for running sound and had to listen to the sermon 3 times Pastor Bob preached on the book of Hosea. Mostly Bob preached about how God puts things in our path to keep us from doing certain things that will be harfmul to us but we do them anyway. I had never heard the book Hosea and it wasn't until the end of the sermon that I finally got it. When Bob talked about how Hosea offered fifteen pieces of silver for Gomer when she was on the auction block it hit me. This is how God loves us - me! While I was so wrapped up in myself, my sins and had nothing to offer except my worthlessnes - God paid a very high price for me - the death of His son Jesus. I also realized too that God wanted to have a love affair with me and I was cheating on him and having a love affair with the world - more specifically Tori Amos.

I still listen to Tori's music, but with a greater appreciation for the artistic masterpiece that it is and not to fill the empty space inside that only God can fill. For it is only God that can deliver me. It is God and not Tori that has paid the highest price for me!