Toureffe's Syndrome

I attended my first ever roller derby last night. I've been excited all week about going. Part of me wanted to go because I'm in search of a new hobby, part of me wanted to go because I had made a new friend and I wanted to show her my support, but mostly I wanted to go because I wanted to fit in.

One stumbling block in my personal walk with God has been that I have never felt as if I ever really fit into the Christian Mold. I've always felt more comfortable around people who drink, swear and ride Harleys. Over the past 13 years I've learned to say the right "Christianese" phrases, say "Amen" at the appropriate times and listen to Christian music. Still, I always found myself going back to my bad girl roots no matter how hard I tried to become a "Christian."

Perhaps that is why I worked so hard to go to Bible school, onto a private Christian Univerisity and have worked for a Christian Company for the last 10 years. I worked really hard at surrounding myself with Christians, because anytime I got around non-Christians my bad girl self would come out. Inevitbly I would end up feeling guilty for having too much fun, and so I would run, literally run back to my safe proverbial Christian bubble and lock my bad girl away. This was the only way I was every going to be a good Christian.

What I discovered last night at the Roller Derby is that I totally fit in. I loved being surrounded by all of these girls with their bad girl images tattooed right on their arms. They were having so much fun being who they really were, they were not pretending to be somebody they are not.

The truth is, that I have grown more spiritually in the last 6 months than I have in the last 13 years of being a Christian and 2 of those years were spent at in intensive Charistmatic Bible school. This spiritual growth has been due to the fact that I've totally been seeking after God and discovering who He is. I have not tried to become a better Christian. As I have sought God, all of the other things have sort of fallen into place.

As I watched all of the derby girls skate and as all of the spectators around me drank I realized something else. I realized that I can't judge them for making roller derby their passion or even drinking their passion. They are looking for fulfillment and for purpose and meaning in their lives. The same thing that all humans long for. How can I judge them for that? We all want something to be passionate about, a reason for living. Thank God we have had someone in our lives who shared with us the truth about Jesus.

I hope that now that I really have the truth I can share it with others. I love what Pastor Scott said this morning, that when we learn the truth about being Forgiven by God, we will in turn forgive others. I learned that lesson recently but that is for another post.