I am a recovering Christian. Not in the way that Tori Amos says that she is a recovering Christian, but in the way that I am recovering from having a love affair with world and am now having a love affair with God.
Just a little bit of background - I've been saved since I was 17, graduated from Rhema Bible Training Center (a seminary), work for a Christian Theater and help on the sound engineering team at church - all this does not a Christian make!
So I had this obsession with Tori Amos (had, I'm recovering from idolotry). The woman is truly brilliant and can easily be lifted to Goddess status - in fact there are many people have exalted her in their lives. Her music is very beautiful, filled with emotion and often very dark - an easy place to hide your pain. I found solace in her music and could literally be carried away to another place and time. It was her music I turned to when I was hurt, angry, sad, bitter it was her music I turned to to fill the emptiness inside, when all the while God wanted me to turn to Him.
Yes, I prayed, but not very often. I worshipped, but only on Sundays and I never opened my Bible.
They began this series at church called Love Affair. Each week was a different topic, and mostly the series focused on family. But one Sunday, the Sunday I was responsible for running sound and had to listen to the sermon 3 times Pastor Bob preached on the book of Hosea. Mostly Bob preached about how God puts things in our path to keep us from doing certain things that will be harfmul to us but we do them anyway. I had never heard the book Hosea and it wasn't until the end of the sermon that I finally got it. When Bob talked about how Hosea offered fifteen pieces of silver for Gomer when she was on the auction block it hit me. This is how God loves us - me! While I was so wrapped up in myself, my sins and had nothing to offer except my worthlessnes - God paid a very high price for me - the death of His son Jesus. I also realized too that God wanted to have a love affair with me and I was cheating on him and having a love affair with the world - more specifically Tori Amos.
I still listen to Tori's music, but with a greater appreciation for the artistic masterpiece that it is and not to fill the empty space inside that only God can fill. For it is only God that can deliver me. It is God and not Tori that has paid the highest price for me!
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by Lisa Walker
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- Jessica Stephens and Lisa Walker
- This is a joint-theological online journal by Jessica Stephens and Lisa Walker. We pray that our writings help us grow closer to God as individuals and bless you, the readers. If you have comments or questions, feel free to email us at krumpledwings@gmail.com or leave a comment.
5 comments:
Yes! I really like that you pointed out that dark music and dark concepts are an easy place to hide our pain. That is so true. It seems like such a "deep" thing to do at first. B/c the other worldly alternative is to stop our pain with money, or being popular, or clothes, or whatever. Those things are OBVIOUSLY shallow! But being dark...being deep...ahhh! That's something! Until we realize that we have filled our emptiness with emptiness...Yes, there are masterful musicians out there and when we listen, we do feel some sort of transcendent feeling, but...have these musicians done anything for us? Have they even said "hi" to us? And look what Christ has done...doesn't compare. Tori says, "get off the cross, we need the wood." What exactly are you going to do with the wood, Tori? I'm sure you don't plan on dying for my sins.
You know, I hadn't even thought about the fact that you pointed out - that music is seen as dark and deep and not shallow, when in reality it is in fact shallow only more deceiving. By the way - Tori has said "hi" to me. Oh, and the other thing is that I had never really thought about that line before "Get off the cross, we need the wood." It could be taken several ways - is she referring to Jesus and the fact that she thinks Christianity is a farce? Or is she talking to someone who is playing the martyr? My guess is she is probably talking to both in that subtle way that she does so well.
jessica says...
I know she said "hi"!! that's why i put that! :o) i like your idea about the meanings of the get off the cross line being a martyr...i would say it's safe to say that ANY time she makes a religious euphimism, it's at least in part to attack God in some way or other. ya know?
Years ago, when I first stumbled upon Tori, I heard the interview in which she said, "I'm a recovering Christian," and it made me really sad. Now, as a pianist and music fanatic, I'm completely immersed in her music, although I struggle often with her lyrics, as I'm a believer, and as such, I know God gave her the incredible abilities she has. I've long thought that her overt attacks on religion and God were the result of the anger and resentment she felt after her rape. "God, sometimes you just don't come through..." is not the cry of an atheist, after all.
I wonder if you have trouble listening to her lyrics sometimes, as I do, even though she's my favorite artist of all time.
Remember Tori always says she is down with Jesus her issue is the people who try to use false teachingsnin Jesus' name to control and manipulate people. Like her lyrics "how many young men have to lay down their lives for some sick promise of heaven". Many fanatics forget that the most fundamental part of God's plan of salvation is based on the premise of man's free will to choose good or evil. Tori's thing is not that does not believe in God just that the neocon hateful God is not her loving Prince of Peace. Read her book piece by piece and you can see she has always loved Jesus
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