Toureffe's Syndrome

I attended my first ever roller derby last night. I've been excited all week about going. Part of me wanted to go because I'm in search of a new hobby, part of me wanted to go because I had made a new friend and I wanted to show her my support, but mostly I wanted to go because I wanted to fit in.

One stumbling block in my personal walk with God has been that I have never felt as if I ever really fit into the Christian Mold. I've always felt more comfortable around people who drink, swear and ride Harleys. Over the past 13 years I've learned to say the right "Christianese" phrases, say "Amen" at the appropriate times and listen to Christian music. Still, I always found myself going back to my bad girl roots no matter how hard I tried to become a "Christian."

Perhaps that is why I worked so hard to go to Bible school, onto a private Christian Univerisity and have worked for a Christian Company for the last 10 years. I worked really hard at surrounding myself with Christians, because anytime I got around non-Christians my bad girl self would come out. Inevitbly I would end up feeling guilty for having too much fun, and so I would run, literally run back to my safe proverbial Christian bubble and lock my bad girl away. This was the only way I was every going to be a good Christian.

What I discovered last night at the Roller Derby is that I totally fit in. I loved being surrounded by all of these girls with their bad girl images tattooed right on their arms. They were having so much fun being who they really were, they were not pretending to be somebody they are not.

The truth is, that I have grown more spiritually in the last 6 months than I have in the last 13 years of being a Christian and 2 of those years were spent at in intensive Charistmatic Bible school. This spiritual growth has been due to the fact that I've totally been seeking after God and discovering who He is. I have not tried to become a better Christian. As I have sought God, all of the other things have sort of fallen into place.

As I watched all of the derby girls skate and as all of the spectators around me drank I realized something else. I realized that I can't judge them for making roller derby their passion or even drinking their passion. They are looking for fulfillment and for purpose and meaning in their lives. The same thing that all humans long for. How can I judge them for that? We all want something to be passionate about, a reason for living. Thank God we have had someone in our lives who shared with us the truth about Jesus.

I hope that now that I really have the truth I can share it with others. I love what Pastor Scott said this morning, that when we learn the truth about being Forgiven by God, we will in turn forgive others. I learned that lesson recently but that is for another post.

Comic Book Tatoo

I finally recieved my Tori Amos limited Edition Comic Book Tatoo Anthalogy. In the back of the book Tori posted an afterward and in it she talks about how art is the portal to freeing the mind from religious bondage. This is true to some extent, but still there is a danger in freeing the mind too much.

The coolest thing has happened to me recently. Anytime I start to struggle with an issue, inevitibly I find my answer in one of Pastor Scott's sermons. Lately I've been struggling with whether or not I'm being a good Christian or a bad influence. Am I listening to the wrong kind of music, saying the wrong things, wearing the wrong things. Perhaps I should immerse myself in Christian Pop-culture and that I would be an effective Christian Witness. Ah but alas, I digress.

God created me. Eph: 2:10 "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them." He created me with all of my idiosyncracies, likes, dislikes, etc. To be an effective Witness and lead others to Jesus I really just need to by myself. That's not to say that I should behave and act any way I want which would be to be selfish, unkind and greedy. I should work to exercise the spiritual gifts of kindness, patience, love and generosity.

The sermon this past Sunday was about making the message of Salvation and of Jesus Simple. For Jesus came for the spiritually sick Matthew 9:9-12. Salvation is not based on the fact that we as Christians don't drink, smoke, swear or listen to rock music. The Salvation message is based on love and entering into a personal relationship with God.

It's so simple really, and yet some Christians want to make it so complicted. They want to make it about self righteousness which inevitibly leads to hypocrisy. No one is without sin. The Bible tells us this and we all know it is true.

I'm not suggesting that I'm now free to do and say whatever I want. However, I am free to be myself, to grow in my relationship with Christ, and by so doing help lead others to Christ. This is what Jesus' life on earth was all about - leading people to God and into a relationship with Him. His life was not about telling people to quit smoking, drinking or swearing.

Dresses

Sometimes life can be full of surprises. I have been surprised by 3 very special people over the last six weeks. I would not trade the time I've had with them for anything in the world.

They will always have a very special place in my heart, and now as things come to a close I see my life coming back into it's normal existence. Although I am sad they are all leaving, I am looking forward to the routine I once had.

Having such a short time with them makes it all that much more special to me, because you can have too much of a good thing. It's like owning your favorite dress that you only wear on special occasions - you cherish the dress, you wrap it in tissue and keep it in a special box hidden away and bring it out only when it truly matters.

Anyway, to the three of you (you know who you are), thank you so much for gracing me with your beautiful, individual personalities. I love each one of you, and today I'm putting my "special dress" back in it's box. I hope that one day, I'll be able to bring it out again.

Under the Blacklight

Under the Blacklight, it is so easy to hide the things about ourselves that we don't want others to see. Yet, those things are still there, hiding, waiting for the right moment to come into the light.

We can go our whole lives living under the blacklight, never facing those things which are prohibiting and blocking our path to the things that God has in store for us. If we continue to pursue Him and dedicate our lives to Him, then he is going to expose those things. Not because He is mean, but because He loves us so much.

I have learned a great deal about myself the last few weeks. Things I've known were always there, but I chose not to deal with them, instead, I hid them Under the Blacklight.

One of the biggest things that I'm learning is that to be an effective Christian Witness to others I don't have to walk around preaching the Word all of the time and shoving scripture down people's throats. Instead, I need to use the Word of God as my guide and take away from it Wisdom and Truth in dealing with situations.

I've always been quick to say, "The Bible says." Instead, what I should be doing is leading by example, and then when the opportunity presents itself share the Truth. Being a Christian is not about "preaching" the gospel, so much as "living" the gospel. We all know the old saying about our actions speaking louder than our words. This is definitely true where the Bible is concerned and in becoming Christ like.

Things don't always work out the way we expect them too, either. I feel as if I've failed a million and one times in the same areas, but I think it is just the Lord saying "I really want to create this perfect work in you." I love what Pastor Scott said about dealing with the same issues over and over again. We conquer the battles for awhile, but we end up facing them again. Each time though we grow stronger and stronger.

All of my life I felt that I needed to have arrived at a place of perfection by the time I was 30. However, if this is what God expected from us, He would not have given us the life expectancy that we as humans have. We may never arrive to that perfect place, instead, we must continue on the journey, and take things one step at a time.

I've made some mistakes recently in the area of friendship, but the thing is I am trying. I had a post awhile about not exercising the gift of friendship called Dried up Prune http://arecoveringchristian.blogspot.com/2008/04/dried-up-prune.html and this post is actually a follow up to that previous one.

Why we do make life so complicated? God is not complicated nor is His Word complicated, yet, we as humans seem to be full of complications.

More Adventerous

I have to tell you, I had so much fun at the Rilo Kiley concert on Tuesday night. It was an awesome night of music and rocking out. The whole band looked like they were having so much fun onstage. The whole time though Jenny Lewis had this far away look in her eye like she wasn't really there, but she still put on a great performance. I became so caught up in the music and the sexiness of it all. Jenny Lewis had become this goddess onstage and knew how to seduce her guitar and the microphone.

After the show, I came crashing back down to earth. I hung around afterwards waiting to meet Jenny Lewis. She finally came out around 1:30. She had borrowed my sharpie to sign everyone's stuff and then she turned to give it back to me. When she turned our eyes connected and there was this look in her eye that said she was empty. I told her how much fun I had at the show and she said she had a lot of fun performing but it was so wierd the way she kept searching my eyes looking for something more.

As I watched the show I thought how awesome it must be to be her, up on that stage, performing for 1500 people who are all screaming your name. The truth is that you do experience this eurphoric high - we all experienced it as an audience - but afterwards there is this incredible emptiness because it is not true fulfillment.

True fulfillment can only come from God. As I stood there on the pavement talking with Ms. Lewis, I realized how much I didn't want to be her after all - she doesn't know God. She thought she'd find fulfillment by becoming a rock star and yet it has still left her empty.

As corny as it sounds I have a burden to pray for her, just as I pray for Tori Amos and Regina Spektor. I pray that God sends people into their path who can share with them the gospel. They have it all, fame, fortune, beauty and an incredible musical gift but they are still lost without God.

Roller Derby Revival

So this morning while I was at the gym one of the TVs was on ESPN and they were interviewing girls who are into Roller Derby - there is a Roller Derby Revival. One of the Roller Derby Queens said "Some people go to church, I'm into Roller Derby." Her quote was part of her discussion on how she finds peace and contement being part of a roller derby team.

Her quote is filled with many implications:

1) There are still a lot of unsaved people who assume that people who are Christians and are going to church are using their faith as a crutch to cope with life. The unbelievers philosophy is people cope with life by drinking alcohol, doing drugs, going to church or by being a Roller Derby Queen.

2) Unsaved people are so deceived into thinking they can find fulfillment without God.

Okay, I must admit I have been afraid to post a blog for the last couple of weeks. I was beginning to think that maybe I was not "Spiritual" enough to be writing about God, the Bible, or anything regarding Christianity so I created a post called Snakes and Turtles. Perhaps I am the blind leading the blind down that slippery slope right into the fiery pits of hell.

The other issue that I've really been struggling with is legalism. Legalism in the sense that I should not watch certain tv shows, listen to certain music, watch certain movies - that really I should be spending 4-6 hours a day on my knees in prayer seeking the unction of the Holy Spirit. That all of my spare time should be spent praying and reading my Bible. This came from the idea that so many people are getting saved at the the revival in Lakeland, FL. I began to wonder if my whole philosphy of building relationships with people and winning them to Christ is wrong. That we should just have healing revivals all across the country and everyone will get saved.

As I watched the girls going around the roller rink I kept thinking "That is really cool and looks like so much fun." And the girls were all wearing these really cute outfits and getting into fights. As I continued to watch them I began to wonder - would these girls attend a revival or would the very word freak them out and send them running in the other direction?

Jesus met people where they were at. People came to him in different ways and with different needs. So too, people come to salvation in different ways... Jesus told Peter simply to follow Him, while Paul was blinded by a light on the road to Damascus. I was saved attending youth group with a friend, but, I know other people who have been saved in their cars and others in their bedrooms.

How will the Roller Derby Queens be saved? What about the people who think Christianity is just a crutch and still those deceived into thinking they can find fulfillment apart from God. I certainly won't be able to reach them if I'm spending all of my spare time praying and reading my Bible - although both of these are very, very essential to the Christial Life, there needs to be balance.

I may come to develop an interest in becoming a Roller Derby Queen so that I can share the gospel with them (Romans 10:14). The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 9:22 (LB) "Yes, whatever a person is like, I try to find common ground with him so he will let me tell him about Christ and let Christ save him."

Perhaps we should just start a Roller Derby Church and have a Roller Derby Revival???